Stay Thirsty (for coffee) my friends...

So, it was a long morning. And that is okay, as I am working mornings from here on! I labeled myself as a “morning person!” when I got this job and I find myself quickly becoming a morning expert!

Morning people are:
1. Annoyed when you ask for their drink order (as you should know it!)
2. Usually in a hurry
3. Not very talkative
4. Still sleepy, aka- Yawning when they walk in the door
5. Dressed impeccably (and flawless makeup)
6. Very detached from their surroundings (this could have to do with #4)
7. Not wanting conversation

So, all this to say, I have LOVED mornings…I want to crack jokes, be playful, all in a non-threatening environment… And morning people are great fodder for joke-telling. They aren’t expecting much at 5 am, so really, they will laugh at anything! I could say “booga, booga” and they would crack a smile. They aren’t the social butterflies that I am used to in the evening.* They are up because they have work to do and the last thing they want is to have to talk to someone BEFORE they’ve had their coffee…

*Evening people are usually (for the most part) fairly trendy coffeshop type people that are used to insane behavior, and nothing really surprises them…they want to have a conversation and tell you why THEY are COOL…and why you should be PRIVILEGED to serve them…yeah, yeah, heard it all before…

So, I like to consider myself a celebrity in this right… I think the morning people think my eccentricity is a result of their presence, and if they want to think that, then we are all good. Keep those $5 and $20 tips coming our way! Not to mention (but I’m going to anyway), I think I am pretty clever and can offer some witty banter with the best of them.

It was this morning, EARLY, that I hit a snafu and met a worthy verbal foe. This guy kept coming back at me with jabs, he backed me into a corner, and I had nothing to say, I stood there for a second, had even thought of a good comeback (it was too late at this point) and right as he started to smile a triumphant smile, I began to quote, from the first line, the movie “Aladdin.” People stared at me until I finished the impressive monologue from the opening credits of the movie. The guy shook his head and said, “I’m going to defer to you on this one, blondie…mainly because I can’t think of anything to top that…and I need a couple minutes to figure out why it is you saw fit to memorize those lines…”

Those movie lines are my “go-to,” but now that I’ve used them, I think I might need a new “go-to.” I guess I could just yell, “Objection. Sustained. Case closed.” when I am at a loss for words.

It all started, me being in a weird mood today, when I was opening…I went to get the umbrella to set up, and I noticed, never fail, a cricket…thinking, (sarcastic) “Great.” And this cricket was small, but he looked very threatening… and it was at that moment, at closer scrutiny, it wasn’t a cricket, it was a small black GRASSHOPPER…which is even worse because those little yahoos can fly!

And so, when the grasshopper made eye contact with me, I immediately ducked because I knew he was going to pull a kamikaze…and sure enough, true to form (at least true to form that I saw of grasshoppers in the movie “Antz”), he came flying at my head. I know better than to scream, because then he flies in my mouth and I become part grasshopper and part human…like Grasswoman or Hopperhuman or something insane like that. Akin to what Batman experienced when he confronted his fears.

So, the little guy jumps around, hits the pillar behind me, then makes another go of it. But I am larger (by many lbs) in what I lack in agility and jumping ability compared to him, so I “woman up” and swat at him, immediately shaking my hand in case he tries to gecko grab my skin and infect me with grasshopper juices. I watch him hit the pavement of the parking lot and limp away, defeated. Haha. If you’ve never seen a grasshopper “walk,” it’s worth the effort. Grasshopper 0, Kara 2 (I get an extra point for also facing my fear).
Objection? Overruled.