Do Not Talk to Strangers, unless they offer good advice...

To my followers (aka- my parents, haha)…I’m so sorry I haven’t blogged in a while. I have been extremely busy, not to sound like I am more “important” in some sense than anyone else, but my schedule hasn’t exactly allowed for time to sit and reflect upon Starbucks as an environment about which I would like to describe in an entertaining manner…as I guess happens to all of us as a hobby becomes a “job!”

And wow- what a job it has been! High and lows…highs from the everyday interactions with new and exciting people and lows for being reprimanded on such things as falling short on the call of miniscule daily duties…who knew I didn’t know how to mop a bathroom or wipe down a window sill…but apparently I do not know how to do these things. Far be it from me to not do the little things but I tried to explain that I am one of those “big picture” types…

My work philosophy- imagination does not like to tiptoe around with practicality…it envisions a Starbucks that offers patrons a more rewarding and interactive experience as opposed to just clean restrooms… And let me tell you where big picture thinking got me—wiping down the underside of tables, scraping off gum and old coffee stains! Gross! I guess somebody has to do it.

Also, in my defense being a “little picture” person has almost made me a more irritable worker…it’s harder to look with endearment upon the little kids splashing around in their Frappuccino mess over on the cushions of the chair while their mother gestures WILDLY and OBLIVIOUSLY visiting, loudly, with her friends when I am watching the seemingly possessed and animalistic children...daydreaming about in what order I will later approach the mess they are creating…. “Should I use wipes, then the mop, then dry it…? Or should I dry it, wipe it, then mop it?...Oh, excuse me! What would you like to drink today…might I suggest SOME MANNERS FOR YOUR CHILDREN?!?!” Ha. Ha. Kidding.

Lately, I have tried various tactics to mask my distracted exhaustion. I often resort to small talk and smiles, but the people that are regulars know me (and my aversion to small talk) and they want to know why I’m not singing or dancing as I usually am…and why no random questions about their life…like if they think that white and black are real colors…

What’s amazing is that the customers are more astute about my disposition than I am! I appreciate it, usually, and I have found the best way to navigate a tough day at Starbucks is to be honest…people are full of advice on how to overcome a “woke up on the wrong side of the bed” type of day. I’ve heard everything, and I am compiling a list of the best advice I have received at Starbucks below:

1. Stay away from caffeine (I loved this one because it was from a co-worker!)

2. Eat one raw jalapeno a day… “That’ll REEEVVVV your engine!” the guy told me. (I replied, “I’m only having a bad day…I don’t have a death wish for my taste buds…”)

3. Go into a room of your house that’s quiet alone and read your favorite magazine or book (I live alone…that is every day of my life…but thanks for rubbing it in and making me wallow in my loneliness) haha!

4. Go shopping (coming from a lady whose wristwatch cost more than my yearly salary)…

5. Wrap seaweed around your toes… (At which prompting, I could help looking down at the feet of the proposer and notice the tennis shoes DID have a dingy tint to them…gross!!! I didn’t even ask for an explanation, but come to think of it, I wish I HAD! Brings a new meaning to the phrase, “He’s Gellin…” Dr.Scholl’s for those of you who don’t watch commercials…)

6. Go to a shooting range… (“No, really…” says the young man when he sees my appalled face, “I try to fit it in my schedule every couple days…” at which I couldn’t help thinking, “What happens when the range doesn’t fit into your schedule?!?!?!”)

7. Take more naps… (this offered by the same lady that told me to “Go shopping” and “Have my house cleaned by a cleaning service at least once a week…” thanks a lot lady, as you take your double-chocolate chip decaf Frappuccino to lay across your loveseat and nap while being fanned by your various household staff…)

Anyway, come to find out, there is no shortage of advice to be given…and Starbucks seems to be teeming with experts in every field from rifles to rhinestones! On that note, duty calls (from the dirty bathroom), back to work doing what I do best- imagining how I will answer my interview questions on the Today show…

“Well, Matt, thanks for having me on the show…can I offer you a jalapeno?”