"Would you like that super-sized??"

Today was funny on every level. Not just “this job is fun” level but on “people are FUNNY” level.

I had a great “I don’t know what’s worse” conversation with two customers- driving while caffeinated or driving while NOT caffeinated. Unfortunately, the McDonald’s “I-got-burned” customer lawsuit ruined the “normalcy” of drinking a hot beverage in a car by throwing a not-so-private tantrum at her own idiocy (dropping hot coffee on her lap and burning herself). Now, it feels like a felony to drink coffee in a car with all the “alerts” and “cautions” and “at your own risk” warnings on the lids of these beverages. One would think they’re about to take a sip of liquid nitrogen…I’d venture to guess for most of our consumers the risk is worth the effort, as coffee sales are doing just fine. With the sleeve covers and splash sticks and all the precautions we take to protect the delicacy of human error, it’s a shock that people STILL get burned on a daily basis. I mean, are these people just THAT clumsy or is it God’s way of showing them that maybe they need to try our ICED beverages.

Seriously, WE baristas are the ones risking our life and limb by steaming the milk to Hades-like temperatures (with steam blowing on everything from our hands to our legs to our faces…) and handling the metal pieces that brew that hot coffee. Not to mention, the coffee that is passed to the customer is stored in a cardboard blend, wax-lined cup and wrapped in a sleeve that is double layer thick, yet I still encounter grown men who act like I am trying to hand them a small fireball if I forget to put on a sleeve. They jerk their hand away and I want to say, “it’s really not going to cause any permanent damage, princess…” (which would probably be a Starbucks lawsuit waiting to happen…so I just bite my tongue and put the coffee in a sleeve…nevermind that I’ve been holding the cup the WHOLE time WITHOUT a sleeve…)

Something that is making me laugh today every time I think of it: I had a guy come in, he was Indian. No matter how I knew he was Indian, just trust me that it’s akin to if someone had a conversation with me they would probably come to the (correct) assumption that I am American. Plus, I think we discussed that one of my roommates in college was Indian once when we were talking about the origin of his name… He is a TI guy…Texas Instruments…I have talked about our TI people in a previous blog for you newbies…

Anyway, he was looking up at the menu and taking his sweet time. I kind of wanted to encourage him to make a quick decision, so I suggested a drink that a guy had ordered just a few minutes earlier. I suggested an earl gray tea latte.
“It’s very good, especially with a little sweetener,” I said nicely to him.
He crinkled up his nose and made a gagging face by sticking his tongue out…
He said, incredulously, “Yuck…isn’t that like tea with milk?!?”

I stood there, dumbfounded for a second. Really? Correct me if I’m wrong, but your CULTURE (India) is the one that BIRTHED this drink, brought it to America??? Us Americans are relatively new to this divine creation! What’s your problem…identity crisis? I thought, maybe he needs a reminder…

“It’s like a chai…?” I offered. As though, surely he knew what a chai was! I mean, if he wanted to reject his Eastern culture, that’s fine, but come on! Throw me a bone here…it’s like India’s national drink! I don’t LOVE hamburgers, but I know what they ARE…and I certainly wouldn’t make gagging faces if someone in Burger King offered me one.

He ended up ordering a pumpkin spice latte with caramel syrup… Wow. “Gross,” I wanted to say, but I kept my mouth shut and just mumbled, “Great choice…”.
When he asked to have it double-cupped I just about fell over laughing.

“Sure, princess…”