Chunky Monkey

Continuation on observations...see yesterday's blog for reference:

People love to hate children...when they are loud, people cringe as if they are expected to be annoyed. People are embarrassed by children because they are unpredictable but they also relish in that same recklessness that allows children to say things that they can only think.

For example (you knew the example was coming!), a lady came in today with two little boys. The boys were very rambunctious and wanted to “help” their mother from the moment she entered the store. One of them immediately grabbed a bag of chips from the basket by the checkout line and said, “Look mom! You like these chips! You eat these chips all the time…” and the mother nodded absentmindedly as she was staring at the drink menu above the counter. The little boy handed me the chips and I kind of held them up for the mom to see, she shook her head “no” discreetly and I slid them back under the counter. I think she was trying to act like the boys weren't "with" her in case she needed to pull an "emergency exit" type of thing, like if one of them blurted something horribly "honest" about someone else (like, one of those politically incorrect statements that people may THINK but are NEVER allowed to voice out loud)...these two boys seemed PRIMED to say something along those lines...

By this time, the older of the two boys had found the empty thermos bottles that we sell and he said, “Mom. You melted the other one in the dishwasher, why don’t you get this blue one?” The mom looked at me and said, “I had a red one and ya’ll don’t make them anymore…” then to the boy, “I don’t want a blue one, honey.”

At this point, both boys were right up on the counter, ready to order their drinks, when the little one said, “There was a girl that said Spanish last time to us…” and he stared at me expectantly.

“I know PigLatin…but no Espanol, buddy.” He started laughing uncontrollably like only children can in public. There's something about words like "poop," or "toot" or "pig" (and "latin" I guess) that just hit a kid's funny bone in a way that makes me jealous of the time when the world was so simple that I could laugh for hours when I heard a taboo word like "toot."

He told me he wanted that drink without “coffee black” in it. I didn’t know that ANY of our drinks had “coffee black” in them but I said “In lieu of my observations of you and your sibling, I am not altogether shocked that your mom disapproves of your consumption of an excessive amount of coffee black…” It was his mom’s turn to laugh uncontrollably and his turn to look at me like I had just spoken Spanish…

Unfazed, the other boy told me, “My mom will only order the skinny drinks here because there are too many sugar and fat in your drinks.” (Notice, in MY drinks, like I am PERSONALLY trying to make his mother FAT by serving her sugar filled drinks…not only am I monolingual but I am a triglyceride-giving bad bad person)

Luckily, there were no other people in line, but suddenly the mom was in such a rush you would have thought that someone had told her that her she didn't have a shirt on or something…maybe that’s what it is like all the time in public with children- a constant showing of undergarments or a waving of the dirty laundry. Because what are children but a mini-me reflection of their parents...?

Either way, she ordered her skinny vanilla latte (“But go ahead and put at least ONE pump of regular vanilla syrup in there…” haha, of course…anything for my dallas divas!) and they were gone, having left the counter in a whirlwind of thermos bottles, straw wrappers (who had even noticed that they had pulled straws off the bar area), and chip bags…I think the littlest boy had even eaten a chocolate graham while standing in line…haha. Oh well, I guess that’s life with the little ones…haphazard and awkward- America’s Funniest Home Videos waiting to happen...
In a moment, they were off to terrorize some other business with their dirty laundry and high pitched giggling!